Friday, 31 October 2014



Well, what an unusual occurrence this is! I rarely ever write daily blog posts, because I don't often feel like I have that much to say, but since it's the end of October now, I figured it was the right way to end the month, and an appropriate time to wish you all a very happy Halloween.

As you all know from last year's posts around this time, I don't celebrate Halloween, purely because, as I have mentioned, I do not particularly like being scared (I don't recall if I ever mentioned why) but it was because of attending the Halloween party of some friends of my mum's when I was three, dressed as a witch's cat (as I have dressed as for quite a few running years!) when we were all in the living room eating snacks and I was with the other children, when a man (could've been a teenage boy, I honestly cannot remember) came in, with no head (extremely well done, I must add, it was grotesque) and his real head was under his arm. Now saying this, I appreciate this does not sound scary, but to a room full of small children, it was terrifying. I ran to the kitchen to my mum as I was so frightened. The boy/man later showed all the children it was just a costume, but we were all still pretty freaked out, haha.

There are no words for this photo....
Halloween 2013 with my best friend, Courtney.

As a witch's cat for Halloween 2013.
This year, I'll be, again, donning this costume as I always do, with a better painted cat's nose (as I really am no good at these sorts of things) and I'm going out to the cinema with my good friend Ben, as I haven't caught up with him for a long time, and we're going to see Alexander (a Disney film starring Steve Carrell, I find him absolutely hilarious!) so I am very much looking forward to that. Ben doesn't know yet that I'm actually going to be in fancy dress, I had asked if he wanted to, and he said no, so I said there was no way I'd dress up on my own, but I'm no stickler, so I'm definitely dressing up! 

Well, have a wonderful Halloween everyone! Stay safe.

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Thursday, 30 October 2014


Whew. Today I am just trying to plough through revision for a retake that I'm doing to boost my overall grade, and so far, I won't deny, it is not going well. I know I have until May, but seriously, there is so much to remember, that I'm just shutting off from life outside of past papers and yelling at myself for being a dunce.

It doesn't help that my nerves feel like they've been through a shredder this morning, as I watched Gone Girl last night, and needless to say, I regret watching it. Yes, it was wonderful to catch up with Courtney, but oh my word, the film was horrible. Very twisted, and very gruesome, so if that's not your style, please don't go and see it. It's horrible. On top of that, I'm reading through twitter and other places searching for _____uni offer, to see if anyone has had offers from the uni's I have applied to, and everytime I see someone celebrating they have an offer, whilst I'm happy for them, it's making me all the more worried. I know I am capable of great things, it's just trying to make my head understand things properly, because I always approach exam papers wrong, I misinterpret the question, and lose all the marks as a result of that, and that has only been happening since I had gotten ill, although now, I am completely well again.

I just need to breathe. I shouldn't even be blogging at all right now, but I need a ten minute break to just breathe. Else I'm going to go mad. Or maybe I have already? Wouldn't surprise me. Nothing really does anymore, unless someone were to suddenly jump and yell "surprise!" in which case I'd probably be looking on like grumpy cat.

Google images.

Yes, I am grumpy from time to time, but I do have a heart too, and I will laugh at mostly anything, within reason, so long as it is funny.

I decided since we're doing a walk back through my life week that I'd show you a photo of me, probably aged 15, when it snowed where I live.

Yes, I had braces, which is why you won't see me smiling a lot around this age in photographs, I was horrendously self conscious of showing them. That and the fact that I wore a horribly ill fitting jumpsuit. I did love my jumpsuits though.
Google Images.
Anyway, that's my ten minutes. Back to Nelly Furtado music and studying. I've never mentioned to anyone before, but Nelly Furtado was my favourite singer for the majority of my childhood, and as a result, she still has a very special place on my playlist, and I'll always listen closely to the lyrics, because she sings so many truths, although some lyrics are probably intended to just be innuendos in certain songs like 'Promiscuous', which is blatantly obvious.

Nelly Furtado - Turn Off The Light.

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Wednesday, 29 October 2014


So, recently, I did a photoshoot, with which Gü, (my cat in case any of you were unaware, however, if you follow me on Instagram, that'll be pretty obvious, since she's instafamous) and she decided she wanted to be with me throughout the whole photoshoot, and so, it was necessary to photograph her too, as she loves being my photography subject. 

The main part of this outfit is the poncho cape thing, as my friend Dominique and I like to jest about it. It's warm, wintry, and it's like being wrapped up in a blanket, which, to be honest, on really cold days when you struggle to leave your bed, is quite a welcome blessing. I love the fact that it feels stylish and classy too, although I did originally refer to it as 'hobo chic' or as a male friend said 'why are you wearing a picnic blanket?' Men huh? Never seem to understand women's fashion, and whilst I'd love to write, 'with the exception of Mr. Big/John James Preston' he too is pretty clueless, but redeems himself when he places the royal blue Manolo Blahnik heel on Carrie's foot as a gesture as if she were Cinderella, and that was their token of marriage, until the second film when he finally puts that black diamond on her finger. Beautiful. 
Anyway, here's the photoshoot.

My hair is a strange mix of colours because I'm thinking of possibly growing it out, either way, I want the dip dye to be silver blonde for Christmas, so that's why there are tints of blue/green/silver.

She's so photogenic. And she might be getting a brother soon if I can persuade my mum.....



River Island (*)


Primark (*)

Poncho/Cape/Picnic Blanket:


Fur Trim:

Topshop (*)


Leather Chelsea Boots:

Vagabond (*)


And with reference again, to the Carrie/Big wedding Blahnik, this picture pretty much sums up how every girl felt:

(Had to be done, you know me now, cat references everywhere)

Today I am going to see my best friend 'C' and we're going to watch Gone Girl, I'm really not one for scary films as I've previously mentioned, I'm a romance/comedy girl, but this film did look enticing, and we need a good catch up (I nearly wrote jolly good catch up..... I think I was born in the wrong era...?)

Today's musical choices? A rather odd mix (well, my musical taste is a bit eclectic if I'm honest)

David Guetta - Where Them Girls At?

The Piano Guys - Kung Fu Panda Theme.

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Tuesday, 28 October 2014


I find myself again, sitting on the floor of my bedroom contemplating so many things. 
Like why is it, that I long to be in Springtime, standing under a magnolia tree in the garden of a departed relative? Why is it that I wish I could augment reality, just for a day, and hold those who loved me again, and that they were still with me? That I must always love those I am not permitted to  have for my own?
It's strange, I admit, to frequently look upon the past for answers, but I do often look back and wonder, if I had chosen something differently, where would I be now? It isn't that I regret my life choices, far from it, who could've known that within 3 months life could be taken so quickly, or that I'd lose the bitterness I felt for so long toward people who have hurt me in my past?
I just found this on google images, I'm sorry but WTF, and how did this happen??! Okay, the rest of this post is going to be completely irrelevant as I cannot stop laughing.  This photo is a year old, and yet I have just found this. OMG I'm dying! 

It's strange how a sapling, its roots so tightly woven together, can branch out so far, so vast, and keep barely a token of its existence with its former companion.
The turn of the season is approaching, as the air is growing colder. I've brought out the first token of Christmas, a gingerbread man candle. For some reason, I adore candles, as you have probably ascertained from my previous posts. Certain ones can bring back so many memories, like a cinnamon candle, for me, helps me recollect one year at Christmas when one my uncle's (I have three) came down to visit, and my grandma was there. It was a wonderful Christmas.
I hope my long, drawn out posts don't bore you, I just feel that lately, I need to just write down things I am thinking about, because although I will never share anything too private or TMI here, sometimes, small, witty, or somtimes meanial pieces of trivia can help cleanse your mind, or at least in my case....
Yes, I have a passionate nature, which is why I can write all this, feel a little stupid, but feel like I've written all that needs to be said, as I feel it in my heart.
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P.S Still laughing, a lot.

Monday, 27 October 2014


Strange but true is the fact that I wake up at night frequently, and struggle to get to sleep, and it has been this way since I sent in my university application. I just have so many thoughts and worries in my head, but I feel like tonight, I'll sleep a little easier, as my mum has been incredibly supportive, and since I know that what will be, will be. 

The best thing that John James Preston ever said in SATC.
Love Letters From History. - SATC 2.
 This half term is a welcome break to just think. Sometimes we get so stuck in routine that we almost forget who we are. 

My grandma and I.

My mum and I in Barbados.
My 15th Birthday in the snow in England. (yes, those snowmen have Jammy Dodger eyes!)

Before my friend C's 17th birthday, with my mum.
With my grandma before my Year 11 prom.
At my godmother's wedding, May 2014
 You shouldn't have to be embarrassed of who you are, and no matter how much rejection you have had to face in your life, know that someone, out there, will always love you.

Never, forget what it is that you want in life. That's one thing that I'm grateful the last two years of hell has taught me. Never lose sight of what it is that you seek most. 

For me? 

To go to university. To make my family proud. To fall in love. To have my own home. To be successful. 

It's a dream many of us share, but only we can get what it is we want for ourselves. No one else.

Here's My Music Choice That I Have On Replay Today:

Lovers On The Sun.

Anyway, enough of my thoughts for the day. Scrambled thoughts on paper.

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Thursday, 23 October 2014


I was recently contacted by the company Weddington Way, to compose a Bridesmade outfit using one dress from their website. 
Here is what I came up with:
My design is central to an aquatic/ocean theme, and the theme revolves around the Dessy short dress from their collection. I loved the deep blue and simple design paired with more aqua coloured accessories, including the holographic clutch bag. The shoes were elegant yet simple and when wearing a short dress, it's important to remember your shoes! The hairpiece is a simple, yet bright statement to pair with the holographic clutch bag. I chose the simple white blazer (which has had issues with cropping apparently!) because this beautiful dress requires little punchy accessories, and the dress should still remain the one doing the talking (in a non literal sense!)
This is their website:
Weddington Way.
And this is their Bridesmade Dress Page:
Bridesmade Dresses.
Thanks for reading,
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*Whilst I was asked by the company to take part in this style challenge, I was not paid for this post.*


And the day had started so promisingly. 

My word. Can today have been any longer and tedious? 

I had one lesson today which is always enjoyable, but I wished I could vanish as I found myself having to fan myself as I had a hot flush, which is odd for me, as I am normally fine temperature wise, but my word. I wanted to vanish. When my teacher asked why I was fanning myself, I used my regular joke of  "Early menopause." which is what I say whenever I'm flustered or overheated. The look on my teacher's face demonstrated that as a man, he clearly had no idea why I had brought that up. Stupid joke, but seriously, what else was I going to say? "I'm just having a hot one." As my mum might have said. Plus the fact I couldn't spell today, I guess I just gave up at a certain point (I just went to spell certain with an 's')

Then, the bus ride home? Oh joyous of joys. A bunch of rude, vulgar boys at the back of the bus shouting and making everyone turn round, I'm not going to repeat any of what they said as it was quite frankly revolting and undignified. 

Anyway, to cheer things up, and to demonstrate my emotions at this precise moment (I didn't get home until 17.50 today) here are some pictures/gifs, courtesy of google. Enjoy.

Forget the food, just the cosmo will do.

Ok, I'm guilty of this. But so were the boys on the back of the bus today. I'm only chatty and excitable when I'm around friends, otherwise, surprisingly, I keep myself to myself and get on with it.

Hopefully you all had a better day, my lesson would have been great had I not been trying not to fan my face!!

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Monday, 20 October 2014


Do you ever feel like, for the first time in your life, you are completely happy, and completely comfortable with where you are in your life? That you know you're walking the right path, and that despite the obstacles, you have made the correct decisions in your life?
Well, for some reason, for months now, I've been feeling this way. I've been feeling complete again.

I swore that I'd never fully discuss what I'd been through here, but since I covered a lot of it in my YouTube video (here), I felt like it was time for me to talk about my life.

Yes, losing my grandma was the most soul destroying thing that ever happened to me. I honestly wished at the time I could've died with her, because I felt like I lost a part of me when she died, and it felt like it had died with her, and I had honestly started believe that it had. 3 years later, here I am, a completely different person, stronger, more knowledgeable and more peaceful.
I thought I'd never come to terms with her death, and honestly, spiralling down into an illness I felt entrapped in, unable to escape, I felt like I had lost my freedom. I lost my independence, my spirit, and most importantly, my heart.
All images from Tumblr.

But now, 3 years on, I have found myself again. I've rebuilt myself, and I'm happy. I'm not so body conscious, so terrified of what people will think of me, and I can safely say, my health has been wonderful again. It's strange, but I've become more confident, and I feel like I've been reborn. Literally. Like shackles have been undone around my heart. To say how my heart had felt, would be trying to put a thousand indescribable feelings onto one blog post, and it would be hard, but truthfully, it felt bore down, beaten and empty.

I've found new meaning in my life, and I feel blessed. (I'm not becoming all religious, no, so please don't take this as a religious preach - it isn't, and before anyone thinks perhaps this is offensive, then I promise you it isn't intended to be, and apologise if anyone takes this as offensive, I'm not religious and never have been, but fully, and utterly believe in everyone having a right to their own beliefs) I believe I am well because I started thinking differently. I started believing in myself again. I don't know how. I don't know why. I just did. It took a lot to find myself, and I went through some strange phases to find me, but here I am, out the other side.

Just remember:

Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace.
~ Buddha.

P.S I wanted to link you to this music, it has always had a deep resonance with me, and despite it's strange origins, it is deeply peaceful, the same as the Phenac City music, and it brings me so many happy memories:

Relic Forest Soundtrack.

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Sunday, 19 October 2014


I won't deny that for the longest time, I said I'd never do a 'What's In My Bag' Video, but I decided I'd do a blog post instead, since I feel that I would like you all to know more about me. 
If you've been a close follower since last year, you'll realise I had my bag stolen in October 2013, and since then, I've hardly carried anything in my bag despite spending entire days out of the house at college, and travelling to and from, I just haven't wanted to carry anything with me, and have in fact wanted to keep everything as minimal as possible, since having your bag stolen makes you feel very vulnerable and uncomfortable for quite a long time. Thankfully, I'm not feeling that way anymore, but it has taught me to be a lot more careful, very protective of my belongings, and to always listen to your own judgement.

Anyway, without further ado, here is what I tend to take with me, with the exception of swapping out the iPod and case for a writing pad, since I don't actually carry my iPod around with me anymore (I just don't want the risk of having it stolen)

From Left to Right, Top to Bottom.
iPhone 3G,
iPod 5th Generation White & Blue - I don't actually take this or the case around with me anymore.
Ted Baker London Blue Mock Croc Case
Benefit Teal Mirror Holder
Compact (Unknown, was a christmas present in 2013) - I hardly use this but you know, in case of emergencies!
2 Bic Crystal point rollerball pens. (Always need a backup when you go to college)
Dove GoFresh Lemongrass Deodarant Spray - Again, another one that I never use, I use ordinary deodarant in the morning before I leave the house, and since I wear perfume, I don't like the scent from this to clash with it, so I just don't use it. It's more of an emergency thing.
From Left to Right, Top to Bottom:
Paraceptamol (In case of emergency)
Spare Left Contact Lens - Weird one, but I always carry this, because I only ever have issues with my left eye, and not my right.
Bourjois Glam Max Holidays Black mascara - Emergencies, in case I've been laughing until I cry, or just crying, and then I need to touch up!
Allerclear eye drops - In case of contact mishaps.
Black Mock Croc H&M Travel Pouch - Holds all the emergency items, I call this my First Aid Kit.
Wet Ones Senesitive Antibacterial Hand Wipes - I like to use these after I've been on a bus touching the stop bell or handles, or touching a dirty keyboard if I can't find somewhere to wash my hands, which is of course, preferable, but they're there for emergencies.
 I hope you found this brief insight into the contents of my bag interesting, I appreciate we are creatures that are nosy, and that I too, enjoy seeing the contents of someone else's bag/makeup bag, so I figured it was about time that I gave you all an insight. I do also tend to carry around an umbrella (a Percy Pig Marks & Spencer One, it always gives people such a laugh when they see me sheltering under a bright pink umbrella with Percy Pig faces all over it!) and a lipstick of choice that I am wearing on that day. It's usually a MAC one, although it can be what I am wearing today, a Kate Moss Rimmel lipstick in 101.

Best Wishes & Hugs,
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Friday, 17 October 2014


Wow. Just wow. I have been so busy with college the last couple of weeks, I've been completely swept off my feet, that I've forgotten to love and nourish my blog!
As we all know, it's been getting colder, and more wintry by the day here in England. I've been feeling more, and more festive (you can get evidence on my Instagram, I went on a Primark Chirstmas trip! Eeek!)

This month has been about revisiting my favorite Autumn/Winter colour: BURGUNDY.
And with the revisiting of Burgundy, came the unpacking of the wintry clothing; my trusty suede sleeved Primark top/dress that was £2 in the 2013 Winter Sale (yes, literally £2!) and my favourite trusty Topshop bobble hat. This hat carries many happy memories, and it is that reason why I will continue to love and adore this hat.
Enough chatter, on with the photos.
Coat: Topshop (2012)
Hat: Topshop (2012)
Dress/Top: Primark (2013)
Leggings: Primark (2013)
Handbag: Primark (2014)
Boots: Vagabond (2014)

And just to prove I'm not always a moody b, here's one of me smiling.....
I hope this small OOTD has been entertaining to read or view, I've had my head in the clouds the last couple of days, and I just can't seem to stop myself wandering around! 
In happier news, I have made several new friends at my college, and I feel happier, and healthier than I have felt in a very long time.
 There are other reasons too, I don't usually admit highly personal things here, but I have been remembering my crazy long crush on the guy I liked for quite a few years, as well as meeting new people that I feel strongly toward. Anyway, that's off topic, and I'm not at liberty to disclose anymore than that, that's your lot!
Love you all, each and every one of you, I hope life is treating you well.
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