Thursday, 28 May 2015

THIS IS THE SOUND OF FREEDOM // ONE THREAD FOR THE NEEDLE, ONE LOVE FOR THE HEART.

I NEED TO DANCE.

So I have been.

 In between revising, I've been dancing. Let's be honest here. I've inherited my mother's crazy dance moves. So, I don't bust a move anywhere except at home. I will just do the 'sway' at places like weddings or occasions etc, but nothing more, unless, I'm really, really, ridiculously excited, or Courtney agrees to dance with me!
 This song, is one I've had since my very first iPod. Yes, as I've said before, I was über cool and had the blue iPod Mini. (I actually still have it because I'm a babe....) and I took it everywhere with me. It's the best thing ever still, even though it doesn't hold a charge at all. It only works if it is permanently plugged into a wall socket. Otherwise, it won't turn on.
 Oh well, it served me well.

This bad boy!! Lush colour too, I wish the new iPod touch design had been this colour, all OVER! 
Oh yes before I get off track, this is the song:

Sound Of Freedom - Bob Sinclair & Cutee B.

I remember the first time I heard this! ♡ I believe it was 2006? 
I can't believe how time has flown. Wow. 
PS the bus driver *crying with laughter* watch it to the end, to get what I'm talking about ,hahahahaha!



Anyway, I wanted to tell you all something MEGA CUTE!

Güpiggy brought a boyfriend home!!! 

(WELL, he let himself in, and was eating her food, then hid on the windowsill as I entered the kitchen), I got really confused, as I saw two almost identical tabby cats in the kitchen. One on the floor running under the table, and one hiding on the windowsill! I realised who was who pretty quickly as he is quite a big boy and ran toward the door. Poor little mite was terrified so I ran to the kitchen cupboard and got him and my girl some treats to eat. I tempted him up onto the table, so I could pick him up, give him a big cuddle and put him outside. He kept coming back up to me after that, whereas whenever I've seen him before, he does a runner faster than you can say go! Bless him, he was so cuddly. He was really heavy too, just like my boy Tom was. 
In case you didn't know, because I don't talk about him much, Tom was my ginger and white boy that I grew up with. We had him for 9 years, and then he disappeared.

Anyway, I got some photos of Mr. Handsome Tabby!

*lovey eyes emoji*

Isn't he HANDSOME? Plus he looks so much like my girl, but with a chubby nose and wiser eyes!
Here's my girl, so you can see the difference. She's obviously a girl because she's so pretty!
I must get back to revising, I've done lots, but I need to do more, and shake it to Bob Sinclair!

Oh and another song I've been loving, (I don't know why, but it makes me feel really strange when I hear it, like it really deeply affects me, I wonder where I've heard it before, it's weird but I can't link it to a moment in my life, whereas most songs I can associate, like 'The Sound Of Freedom' which I associate to a roasting hot coach trip in Year 9 to a small seaside town to watch a theatre performance. I can't remember what it was, but I get the feeling it was Shakespeare)

The song is Midnight City by M83.

Love as always,
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Tuesday, 26 May 2015

MY SOUL IS LIKE A MELTING POT WHEN YOU'RE NOT NEXT TO ME // YOU NEVER LET ME BREAK.




"Standing in a crowded room and I can't see your face
Put your arms around me, tell me everything's OK
In my mind, I'm running round a cold and empty space
Just put your arms around me, tell me everything's OK

Break my bones but you won't see me fall, oh
The rising tide will rise against them all, oh

Darling, hold my hand
Oh, won't you hold my hand?
'Cause I don't wanna walk on my own anymore
Won't you understand? 'Cause I don't wanna walk alone
I'm ready for this, there's no denying
I'm ready for this, you stop me falling
I'm ready for this, I need you all in
I'm ready for this, so darling, hold my hand

Soul is like a melting pot when you're not next to me
Tell me that you've got me and you're never gonna leave
Tryna find a moment where I can find release
Please tell me that you've got me and you're never gonna leave

Don't wanna know
That feeling when I'm all alone
So please don't make me wait, 'cause I don't wanna break
And I don't wanna fall
When you're next to me
Can tell I'm not afraid to be
That you don't make me wait, and never let me break
You never let me fall"

So clever old me caught a flu-ish virus again. UGH. So I've been feeling buggy since Saturday (hence the lack of posting and the fact I should be revising instead of quietly dying haha)


But all that aside, I'm going to be dosing up on painkillers tomorrow (I say dosing up and people are going to assume I'm a drug dealer or something - errr) I mean to say, taking two paracetamol and getting on with my revision. No more delays.
I've got so much exciting stuff going on, it's amazing, despite all the exams. Whee! 
I'm going to a food and music festival this Saturday all day with Courtney and its going to be BLISS!
And the secret I haven't yet revealed is starting to take off (I still can't tell you all, but I promise I will as soon as its all running) which is SO SO SO EXCITING. (Or as the ladies love to write 'sooooooooooooo' because I know how much it confuses men, well, according to my English Language teacher haha)

And then there is prom *big lovey eyes*, and then there is the water park on July 4th *HUGE LOVEY EYES* Eeeeek so exciting!



Anyway, I just wanted to check in, say I'm alive, and not to fret, or as is said in The Golden Compass (one of my FAVOURITE films) "Don't fret none Lyra."


Anyway, goodnight beautiful people.

"Moon dust in your lungs, stars in your eyes, you are a child of the cosmos, a ruler of the skies."

Sweet dreams mon cher.

Love,
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Tuesday, 19 May 2015

GET FIT WITH ME // TIPS & ADVICE FOR HELP TONING UP.

I rarely go deeply into my body confidence issues, but with so much overwhelming feedback about the level of depth my blog goes into recently, I feel like I need to go into this, to help me address my issues, and hopefully, it'll help you address yours too.
So, let's start.
Hello. I'm Samantha. 
I'm 20 years old, and since I was a child, I've struggled with my weight.
I think my weight problem started when I met a person who strongly influenced my family life, and was like a family member to me. This person themselves had a weight problem (quite a serious one) and I think I picked up bad habits from here.
For many years, family friends were actually concerned, asking my mum if I had anorexia because I was very thin at one point.
So my weight really rocketed from there. Since then, I've had some health problems, and one particular health issue actually makes it pretty hard to lose weight (I've spoken about it before, Polycystic Ovaries - you can read my post about it here)
So, I'm going to start trying to make a difference to my life. I'm going to do simple things to change. I've had a pretty bad binge eat this last week (thanks Pollies) and it's made me feel at rock bottom about myself and my weight. 
So, how am I going to do it?
*She says all this and notices her previous Instagram posts on the right of this post are both about bad food/drink* Guilty as charged, Sir. (PS I didn't eat that rolo. It's horrible!!!) 
1) I'm going to swap chocolate for apples. Strange, but this works. I'm not talking big badass apples, I'm talking those little ones you get for children because they are convenient for their lunchbox. I plan to eat two of these a day, to help cut my cravings, and fill me if I get desperate. 
2) I'm going to work on my target areas with tutorials from Blogliates, Cassey is amazing, and therefore I want to try and follow her simple, strengthening tutorials. Because if I can't have a perfect bod now, when can I?
3) I'm going to tell myself what I need to hear before I leave the house everyday. Whether it's "I am good enough" or "This is my temple." Whatever it is, if I want to hear it, I'm going to say it to myself to give myself the reassurance I need to go about my daily business.
4) I'm going to enjoy the sunshine whenever its out - I don't get out in it enough, and I'm so pale, that is means its so important I get some sunshine and Vitamin D.

Something that I find helpful for keeping cravings away or sustaining the desire to eat something sweet is to chew gum - I chew gum in secret, yes. I don't tend to chew gum in public, because it looks tacky, revolting and not at all feminine. But when I get cravings, I tend to chew Wrigley's Extra chewing gum that is bubblegum flavoured. It's in a pink pack, and it tastes amazing, Honestly, I chew a bit when I am feeling the desire to eat something sweet, and the desire is fulfilled with the gum, Strange, but true. Plus, it makes your room smell like bubblegum just from being in the packet!
Would you like to join me on my journey? If so, why not try some of these ideas yourself?
You can do it, if you put your heart into it!

Here's some music to help you do the Blogliates exercises: 
ODESZA - All We Need.
Love,
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Monday, 18 May 2015

THAT FEELING, IT'S THE BEST THING // I'M GOING TO PLACE MY BET ON US.

I feel incredibly relaxed for some reason. 



Today was long, and it taught me many things, but I feel all the wiser, and happier for it.


It's weird, how you think something would leave you disappointed and hurt, but here, here I am, feeling incredible, for being brave, standing up, and not getting 'sliced and diced' by someone who threatened to do so. I'm braver, and fiercer than they imagined I'd be.

Sometimes, you have to stand up for what you believe in, even if justice isn't served, and know, that because you told the truth, that makes you right. That makes you good. I have a good heart. And I know that. 



Like when after years of being bullied in primary school, I ended up for a year in a rough secondary school, because I was taking an entry exam for a boarding school on the date of the eleven plus, so whilst I got through the 500 pupils down to 300 pupils exam, I didn't quite make the 300 down to 100 who would be studying at the prestigious boarding school. I bet you didn't know that, did you? I have so many stories that people don't know. Anyway, I ended up in this secondary school, with the main bully from my primary school. Justice was served when in the changing room one day, she confronted me again, and tried to make my life miserable. How many times had I spent crying, that I wasn't good enough? Smart enough? Brave enough to stand up to her? And what did I do? I reduced her to tears in that changing room. It wasn't kind, it was mean, but it was necessary for me to heal. I told her the truth, she had tried to ruin my life, I'd gotten IBS from the stress of being bullied, which resulted in me collapsing every day before school because I was in so much pain. I underwent so many blood tests, to which I was diagnosed with IBS at the age of seven. It was traumatic for a seven year old, so to tell the bully, head on, and reduce her to tears, and make her regret what she had done, it gave me salvation in a way. I do and I don't regret that day. Telling her the truth, telling her what she'd done to me, making her cry, but it was justice. I got what I needed. Closure.

If you are, or have been bullied, please do not stand for it. Whilst I don't encourage retaliation, sometimes, just sometimes, standing up for yourself is what is needed to make them regret their behaviour. Stand up for you, your rights, and what you believe in.

Why?

Because you are beautiful.
You, you are kind,
You, are smart,
You are important.

And please, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If I could meet you all, and tell you in person, and hug you, I would, I'd tell you, whoever you are, you are needed. You are valuable, in your own beautiful way. Don't ever let them tell you otherwise. They can't break you. You are majestic. 
"You have moon dust in your lungs, Stars in your eyes, You are a child of the cosmos, A ruler of the skies."



Never give up. 

"I still love you. My heart still races whenever I'm with you. So loudly, in fact, I'm scared you'll hear it."

Love,
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Friday, 15 May 2015

A HEARTFELT PIECE // SOMETHING I WROTE LAST NIGHT.

I wrote this last night, because I've felt really emotional lately, and this is what I wrote;

"When the time comes for me to leave where I am now, I know it'll be heartbreaking. I'll feel lost. Again. 
Yet another deep end, and it'll be lonely. Hell, it'll hurt again. I'll say goodbye to even more friends, and it'll be time to make more.

The truth is, I'm happy-sad. Like the book that was read to me as a child about a washed up mermaid, who makes friends with two siblings and their parents whilst she is happy in the paddling pool they constructed for her in their garden, whilst she loves how considerate they were for winning her a goldfish in a fete, and pouring salt and seaweed into the paddling pool, she is always happy-sad. She misses the way the ocean embraces her, how her home sounds, and she misses her own parents. She is taken home by the siblings, whereby the goodbye is painful, but they all know that she has to go where she belongs.

And for me? I am, and shall be, "happy-sad". I don't want this all to end, I don't want that to happen. I know in my heart, I have to go and learn the lessons that university has to offer. Don't misunderstand me, I am excited, but my heart feels torn.

Disney - Enchanted.
I don't want everything to end. I just hope and pray it doesn't. It's not the world coming to an end, but sometimes, sometimes it feels like it. I'm excited to be going somewhere new, and to meet new people, and to study what I'm passionate about. But I'm a bit of a worrier. It's something I am.


And it's strange, but I keep having premonitions. I don't want to discuss them, because I don't want to 'jinx' it or anything, but I do, and whilst at first, I found it weird, now I just feel grateful for them. They're not often, but occasional. 

Love,
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Tuesday, 12 May 2015

MOONCHILD METALS // REVIEW TWO : BLUE FIRE OPAL FAUX SEPTUM RING.

So I decided it's time to do another review:

I bought a blue fire opal faux septum ring from @lunargirl (moonchildmetals) on Depop, (the same seller I bought the crackle quartz from last year) and I absolutely, have to say I love and adore this new product.


The septum ring fits quite loosely, apparently I either have a tiny septum (the bit on the upper central part inside the nose) or these are quite wide fitting! I had to use pliers to shape it a little smaller, however, it doesn't fit as closely to the base of the nose as it should, so I just wear it like this (reminds me of a bull ring hahaha) I just for some reason think it's so different, and I always like something a little different. 

I would never consider getting my septum actually pierced, as I've said before, I don't want anymore piercings, I'm considering one very small tattoo but that's it body wise. I'm content with my ear piercings. (I only wear two pairs of earrings, and I must own about 15!)

So, back to the product at hand. (Oh the pun is too good)



Wear - ability: 8/10 Whilst this is stunning with the blue fire opals, it isn't something you'd wear out to the shops (like I did yesterday so I could say how comfortable it feels to wear it!) It's more of an evening out, glamour sort of thing.
Fit:  7/10. This is looser than I'd like, but the comfort is better than I would've expected. You just have to get used to it.
Comfort: 9/10: Once I'd worn it for an hour, I was completely used to it being there and couldn't even feel it (I actually checked quite a few times that it was still there and hadn't fallen out!)
Seller: 10/10. Amazing, gorgeous products, gorgeous store, gorgeous packaging, amazing value for money.

Hope you enjoyed this review, and don't forget to take a look at her store on Depop, and follow me on there if you haven't already (:

Love,
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P.S For some reason, upon waking at 6.30am this morning, I couldn't stop singing "Escape" by Rupert Holmes. You know the one? "IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS AND GETTING CAUGHT IN THE RAIN!" Yeah, and now I want a Pina Colada, and a holiday pretty badly :')
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Friday, 8 May 2015

AND WITH WORDS UNSPOKEN // A SILENT DEVOTION.

 ♡

Hello everyone.

Spot Gü if you can!
I hope you're all well, and happy. (:

These photos were taken at a BBQ at our neighbour's house last Summer, I can't even recall them being taken, but I liked them so I decided to put them here today as I've just come across them!
I've recently rediscovered a song from the Kygo mix I shared with you a while back, and realised I really love this song more than I initially thought. At first, I couldn't stand the singing, and truthfully, only really listened to the chorus, as I didn't really hear the lyrics of the other parts. But, I've been listening to this on repeat lately, and I've been actually hearing the lyrics, and I do really enjoy this song, how beautiful are the lyrics?

"Light reflects from your shadow
It is more than I thought could exist
You move through the room
Like breathing was easy
If someone believed me

They would be
As in love with you as I am
They would be
As in love with you as I am
They would be
As in love with you as I am
They would be
In love, love, love

And everyday
I'm learning about you
The things that no one else sees
And the end comes too soon
Like dreaming of angels

And leaving without them
And leaving without them

Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love

And with words unspoken
A silent devotion
I know you know what I mean
And the end is unknown
But I think I'm ready
As long as you're with me

Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love, love, love"

I think this song is just beautiful. The song in question is The XX Angels remix by Kygo.
I find it incredibly tranquil, and I feel like I'm on my back floating in the sea, looking up at the sky, letting the waves carry me. It's just so freeing, and so moving. And I guess I can relate to it. 


*Sigh* I'm just really happy, to the point where I can't stop smiling (even if I'm not sleeping so well at night because of neighbours and their light which comes on outside my room at 2 o'clock in the morning!)

You can tell these were taken a while ago because my hair is brown all over, (PLUS I AM ACTUALLY TANNED) which seeing it, makes me sort of miss it. Don't get me wrong, I love my blonde dip dye, and I really love having it, but a part of me wishes my hair was brown at the bottom again. Hmmm really unsure, I might have to ask my bestie for advice on this one!

Plus, I had a really intricate dream last night with a moral that really helped me, the words from the dream that stuck with me were:

"It's never the end of the story unless you choose it to be."

Interesting,  isn't it? I stopped dreaming for months and months, but the last month or so, I've been occasionally having dreams that are either like being in Wonderland, or they have really deep meanings that give me the reassurance I need when I'm awake. It's so bizarre, almost like my unconscious mind telling me everything will be okay.
So I hope you're all well, I'm off to get on with the revision, -.-
Yay!

(well I refuse to fail after all, you know?)

Love,
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Wednesday, 6 May 2015

DANCING IN ETERNAL FIRE // BASK IN THIS WARM GLOW.

"You cut your teeth on the lack of answers, singing

Come back home and it don't feel the same
Well I've bled words onto a page for you
And you never knew my name."
-
'Cut Your Teeth - Kyla La Grange Kygo Remix.'

I haven't changed, I promise. And I'd never not enjoy being here, being in your company, being who I am. I'd never ask for you to change, for I'd never want it. Because, to me, you are what it feels like to be blissfully happy, even if I'm holding out, after all this time.



Today I'm revising (a lot more than I have in a long time, and it's about time too) I'm revising for my AS retake on the 13th. I get my own little room in a separate building, which is nice, and calming in itself. I think I'm improving. Well, I know I am. I got two grades higher from revising this morning alone, so I'm going to be okay. It'll be okay.

I do have a lot of pain from a wisdom tooth that's finally showing in the top left of my mouth and dear catgods, it hurts. I've been taking paracetamol to try and ease off the pain a bit. At least it's only hurting there for now, but the top right one is coming through soon as it's really obvious in there. 


Anyway, enough about all of that. Everything is fine. If you've been needing an OOTD post, please take a look at my Instagram account, there are lots of new OOTD posts/photos, and I've been working pretty hard to improve the overall feel of my account, and make it more enjoyable, and something I'm proud of. 


3 weeks later and my new phone still can only make calls, and nothing else. I'm giving the provider one last chance to sort it, otherwise, I'm taking it to higher powers, because I refuse to keep paying out for a PAYG sim from my original company (who were brilliant, Orange/EE by the way) I only moved for a discounted iPhone 5s.

Lots of love,

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Monday, 4 May 2015

I NEED A MAJOR DE-CLUTTER & CLEAN OUT! // IN LEARNING YOU WILL TEACH.

Yes, I, Samantha, need a serious sell off of all of my unnecessary things! I am hoping within the next two weeks to do a really big car boot sale and flog everything!

Snoopy the cat! She's an exotic shorthair, before anyone thinks she isn't real - I thought this too, but Snoopy is 100% real!
(Still annoyed since I don't have a car of my own to be independent and not have to ask my mum to drive me over and lend me her car to sell from ) *sobs*

Ah well, my time to have my own car will come, I can't keep saying "I want a car" if I don't have a job yet.

I did today manage to purchase a purple GameCube, so I'll be selling my in box black one at the next car boot sale, as I certainly don't need two, and I need to make the money back that I spent on it!

Plus I need to do more revision, my AS retake is on the 13th May.... *stresses out* it wouldn't be so bad if I was actually sleeping at night, but no, I've been lying there half conscious all night, and I wake up feeling like I've only had a couple of hours sleep, and I genuinely can't say I know the reason why :(


Hmph, I'm really too tired to be in a good mood today, might just go an take a long, soothing shower, wash my hair, and get 'beautified' as I always like to say.

Urm, bye!


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